it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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