The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
