she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
