..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
