If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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