He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
