drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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