if i can run in heels then i can drive
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
