12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
