i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
