I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
