I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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