We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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