Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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