We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
