Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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