theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
