oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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