note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
