Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
