Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
