Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They have beer where we have blood.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
