i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
