Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
