I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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