Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
