sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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