I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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