i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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