Don't make out with my wife yet
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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