Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
