and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I met the friendliest cop last night
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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