You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
