remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
