She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
