um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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