I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize