I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
