Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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