yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
