I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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