They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
