Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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