lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
