I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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