there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
