dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
