sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize