im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize