omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
