is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
