Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need a beard to bite.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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