Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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