my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't think brook has ever known best
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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