Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
