her facebook's as public as her vagina
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
