i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
