i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
