If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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