what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize