i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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