you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
