On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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