i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
