peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
