i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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