I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
